So, here's what has been on my mind lately. I know no one (or almost no one) reads this blog, so I'm going to just be honest. Even if it hurts!
I have never before in my life wished I could go back in time and change the past. I have always felt that a person's past shapes who they are today and for better or worse, it's an important part of who we are. I've always believed in living with no regrets, making the best of what you've been given, and finding the good in even the worst situations. But recently, I have been wishing I had a time machine so I could go back in time about 4 years.
There would be decisions that we made (my husband and I) that I would want us to make differently... life-changing decisions! The decisions we made then are still haunting us now. Even when I think maybe we've finally made some good out of all that bad, it comes back to haunt us. I want to know if it will ever stop... can we ever have peace with this again? I know the answer... Of course we can, and that peace will only come from God! And yet, we still wait for it. I think Satan really wants to keep hitting us over the head with this one! It's starting to make me dizzy.
There's so much more to this, but I have no idea who reads this and I am afraid to say too much! I'm sick of thinking about this... maybe I'm hoping writing it all down will help me to stop dwelling on it. I don't know. Because of all that I've left out, I'm probably not making much sense.
Lord Jesus, give us peace... more than that, give my husband peace because if he has it, so will I! Bind Satan and his lies, his poking and prodding. Frankly, he doesn't have a difficult job because we do so much of this to ourselves. Turn our eyes and ears to focus You, our hearts to live and breath Your Word! Thank You for all you have done for us and for all that You are to us... You are our EVERYTHING!!!
In the Name of Jesus,
Amen!
Regret is hard, but there is hope. G-d can use even the rotteness of choices to make something beautiful. And you wouldn't be where you are today, who you are today, without the choices you've made, without the road that you've traveled.
ReplyDeleteHere's a song that I often turn to when I'm struggling with regret: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uumI-PdeZzY
And if you need to talk, need to get something out there, you know where I live.
Thanks Joy! :)
ReplyDeleteFor the past four years I've wondered if we weren't patient enough, or if we jumped the gun and took the first job that wanted us. But, the truth is, we did the best we could with the information we had and the situation we were in. God must want us here for some reason, even if it simply is to learn what NOT to do in the future. Unfortunately, even though it is horribly painful, these lessons are the ones that make the biggest impression on us and have the most lasting impact on our future. Even if you hadn't made those choices, God would have given you those lessons somewhere else. You had to learn them. They've brought you to this point.
ReplyDeleteI know this point is a low valley. I know you don't want to be in it. I don't want you there either. But I promise the valley is temporary.